She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
