Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
