I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
