Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
