Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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