Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
