I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
