What did we do last night that was yellow?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
