oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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