I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
