i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
