anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
