Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
