I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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