DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
