what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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