what day is it and did you see me today?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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