btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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