The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize