...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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