she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize