Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
