How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
