You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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