She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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