Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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