Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
