u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
