it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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