I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
