So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
