I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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