Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
