I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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