So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
