I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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