I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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