Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
