I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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