...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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