I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
did you just send me my own nude
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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