This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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