Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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