not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
