we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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