True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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