The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
