I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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