I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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