a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sorry my hands just texted you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
