After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize