haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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