dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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