apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
