i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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