I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
