the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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