Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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