I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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