We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
