where does the pee come out of this thing
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
