I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
