A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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