Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
