walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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