they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
