He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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