Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
