stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
