Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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