Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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