i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
