i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
