I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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